i compare a lot
20/08/2025
I started my indieweb journey a while ago and it really made me realize that, damn, i really really do compare myself to others a lot.
I'm not gonna deny that this might be due to insecurity on my part but I firmly beleive that we are a product of our environment, and the world that we live in almost forces us to constantly comapre.
Even something as personal as the indieweb and neocities, something that's supposed to be uniquely mine, ended up being grounds for me to compare myself with other webmasters. I feel bad when my websites don't look as cool as others', don't look as original, heck sometimes i even feel guilty with using sadgrl's template even after I've added so much of my original flare to it already.
And when I started feeling bad for my website's lack of views, comments, and followers (or the lack thereof), it hit me how much social media and society in general has poisoned our views on self-created content.
Honestly, I should've realised this sooner. When I started making short form vlogs on instagram, I would look up advice on how to go "viral," like to post multiple times a day, use a certain sound, etc (speedrun getting burnt out any%). And one day I just suddenly remembered, am I not doing vlogs for myself?
"Is it really my content if I follow all these 'viral formulas'?" That was the question of the century, and the reason why, while I'm not getting off social media any time soon, I am desperately in need of a new lens to view it (both literally and metaphorically. I've been using the same pair of glasses since 9th grade).
Circling back to the indieweb, if I really care so much of what makes my "viral," why did I start this site in the first place?
The real answer is actually that I've got no better things to do. But the more I linger on the indie web, I think I've found what I want to achieve with it, even if it's not significant at all.
I started writing this blog with nothing but a general idea in mind. I'm not even tryna make an argument lol more like just to rant about the current state of the internet. Maybe that's why this post is so short, because if I really drag it out it will be wayyyy too long.
Usually at the end of a blog post I'd share what I've been up to lately. August has just been kind blah, like I can feel the excitement of starting uni in september but still gotta wait a while.
Speaking of which, recently a lot of the things I've got to do basically comes down to just plain waiting, without needing to do anything. Which is really weird after experiencing the high school whirlpool of college app and petty drama which made me feel like there's gotta be something I have to do all the fucking time.
But in the spirit of oversharing, here's a list of things that I've been up to:
- the digital planner that I talked about in the last post. It should be almost done now!
- this music player widget that you can see on the top of the page rn! It's so unecessary but so cute.
- actually fleshing out my college packing list. As an international student who loves having cutely decorated room this is so hard :(
- obsessing over pretty makeup looks on xiaohongshu
- procrastinating on editing my vlog for a good month
I should really go an edit my vlog.